Dear Mimie, I Was Hoping She Would Change, But……

Hey Mimi. My boss noticed my performance at work was dropping gradually. I was making mistakes in balancing my accounts, as I work in a financial institution. Several times, he’d call and ask what the problem was, and I’d tell him “Nothing”.

My lack of focus kept increasing, and it was affecting my work performance badly. So he and a senior colleague had to call me aside to find out what the problem was. They both suspected it had to do with my marriage. I was doing so well before that marriage.

It almost ruined me, but thank God for my senior colleagues who intervened. Having good bosses is priceless, you know.

You know, most times we choose to ignore red flags 🚩 because we are blinded by love. Whoever came up with this theory should be jailed. Love isn’t blind. I’m not disputing the fact that we can’t get a100% perfect partner, but at least, a tangible percentage won’t be bad. Well, my story won’t be the first, and it won’t be the last to happen. Like you will always say,Mimie, the essence of companionship  in our generation is gradually fading away. But we must get it right.

So my “wife” continued having an affair with her ex-boyfriend(s), and I forgave her. Our wedding preparations were ongoing, and madam won’t desist from such an act. The greatest mistake I made was hoping she’d change. I guess I forgot that a leopard will never change its spots, no matter how hard you scrub it.

The worst thing that can happen to a woman is having a gluttonous mother who never sees anything wrong with her daughter’s misbehavior. A mother who is as greedy as the graveyard. You can compare her to anything terrible, and it is justified.

I had every chance to cancel the wedding, but the thoughts of what people would say held me bound. I kept giving her hope that marriage would change her.

I smiled when I saw a post you made on “the angel I’m knowing or will eventually get to know will be better than the devil I’ve known”. I wish I had searched further. Well, the wedding happened, and three months after the wedding, my wife got pregnant, and I was happy. You know that “I will soon be a dad” feeling? I was wrong.

I honestly don’t know where she got the audacity to tell me the child wasn’t mine but was for her ex. Mimie, if she loved her ex so much,why did she get down with me? We are both from the northeastern part of Nigeria, or, as you know, the southern part.

The majority of these girls who weren’t properly trained keep giving or making the impression that our girls are flirts even when they marry, and it breaks me. Yes, it happens in other states, but I can only speak for my own state because it’s true as I have experienced it. It takes luck to have a good partner these days, and I doubt if I’ll want to marry in my state again.

Well, since I have a container of forgiveness, I will still let her stay and put her to bed in my house. The funny thing is that this child isn’t for the ex, as I thought. It was for a different person.

Just when I was thinking her mom would caution her, her response was, “Don’t stress my daughter; she is not the first to bring another man’s child into a matrimonial home”. She went on to make justifications to prove her point. I had no say in my own home. That scene was over; she eventually took me in, and hell was let loose. Her promiscuous acts aren’t stopping anytime soon, and they are affecting my general wellbeing. It was at this point that I had to open up to my senior colleagues.

I have exhausted every option, and divorce was the final one. If not, I will just die for nothing while she enjoys her evil with her mom and other sisters.

She had a piece of land that I built on. I pleaded that we sell it and share the money, but she refused. Life is more important than structures or anything else. The moment the divorce process was over, I felt a burden leave me. My performance at work began to change.

Though I never imagined being a divorcée, we move regardless (smiles).

I hope women will begin to face the penalty of paternity fraud. And I won’t mind you (Mimie) being an advocate for such. Inasmuch as women suffer in marriages, some of us (men) see hell on earth with these evil women.

Mimie: I think we do have one in Nigeria, but I don’t know how strong it is. I’m so sorry you had to go through this ordeal. I hope you find love again, which will ease the pains of the past.

Jude (not his real name): Amin mamana.

Mimie: Thanks for sharing your story. May we not be victims of such evil. About this paternity fraud, I have a lot to say, but not today, especially with the baseless justifications that come with it.

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