My survival series; i wish i listened to my instincts.

Because we live in an era of survival of the fittest….
Ever find yourself in a place where you ordinarily shouldn’t be? all because you needed to survive. Like this wasn’t the life your parents wanted for you, but storms of life happened.

I had a friend named Felix who was way more mature than I was. Let’s say 20 years older. He told me about relationships. How should it be like that? I was so comfortable with him. He never gave that expression to anything evil.

I had a boyfriend then who was “useless” (forgive my use of language). Things were OK for my parents until my dad’s business crumbled.

Now Felix has warned me about him. But I didn’t pay attention. My boyfriend had this fine boy thingy. I’d always blast him for that. Now he wasn’t supportive in any way. I will always ask for things in advance, whether he gives them to me or not. He was jobless, so what was I expecting?

I told Felix, and he asked me to break up with him. No real man will leave his woman empty.

I needed money, but I’d never say it out. I was content with what I had or didn’t have.

Felix began to have sex with me, and he’d give me two thousand naira as my transport after my useless boyfriend deflowered me (with the way I scolded him, I felt he’d change). When I get home, I’ll give my mom the gift and tell her that my friend gifted me. It got to a point where I began to look forward to when Felix would call me because I’d get “transport” fare. No one knew about this 2,000-naira thing till today. I vowed to myself that I’d die with this secret. It would break my mom, and it’s something I can’t stand.

It continued for a while until I got admission to the university. I saw life from a different angle, and I decided to dump the fools (both Felix and my boyfriend). Thanks to the kind of people I met as friends. They helped shape my mentality about men.

There was more to life than just having an idiot for a boyfriend or keeping Felix as an older friend. I knew my mom would be disappointed if I told her. She already established that relationship of me telling her anything.

I was bent on making my life more meaningful than just having sex with anyone. Yea, I had beautiful relationship(s) that didn’t end well. I didn’t make it my source. Thankfully, my dad was beginning to do well.

I was done with university. The mobilization list was out, and I was posted to one of those states I’d never imagined I’d step foot in. (my worst nightmare).

I prayed earnestly for the service year to be over. I felt I’d get my life back. I had someone working on helping me get a job.

The service was over. Just when I felt I’d get something meaningful, everyone began to jam my head with rubbish that has left me confused to this date. I’m still trying to find my bearings. I wished I had never listened to any of those people.

I’ve always wanted to be a model. I began to scout for auditions to go for, but it didn’t end well because one of the goats was sexually attracted to me.

I got an ushering job at a bar, I turned down the offer because of the closing time. I got another which was quite fair. I met someone who wondered why I was doing such a “good” job considering the fact that I’m a graduate.

It was a gathering of senior officers. Some girls would throw themselves at these men. Of course, they’d get the money in the end. I kept my cool. I didn’t want the Felix series to happen again. Though these officers might not be like Felix.

The officer I met promised to help me get a job. I was happy. Guess what. Things he said about me got to my ears, and I decided to stay away. I had my integrity to protect. If I wanted to follow a sugar daddy, I’d do so in a dignified way. However, I’m not cut out for all this drama.

Two years later, this man reached out to me because he had my number. I was busy with a job I was managing at the time. He asked if we could see, but I was too busy. And I was honest about it.

The only time I was able to meet with him was after I left that job. At this point, I wasn’t willing to work for anyone again. I’d rather develop myself and set up something meaningful.

This time he said he had an offer for me but I told him I wasn’t interested. He was shocked.

It was then he began to open to me. How he liked the fact that I was strong willed and that’s what most men there admired. I did everything I was asked to do in a professional way and that was why he came close.

In my head, I’m like dude, I heard all you said and you’d never have your way with me.

I was about leaving and he told me to communicate with him more often.

Was that what I wanted? No!

The only thing I keep regretting was not following my instincts. And the fact that Felix was always having sex with me. I was so naïve.

In between, I’m determined to the anything legal to make things work for me. It hasn’t been easy but I’d rather not say some funny things I’ve done just to survive until its time.

Just know that the wolves out there are to devour you. Keep hanging on.

I hope my story will give one hope out there.


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